Northeast Survives Epic Routine Winter Storm


Friday evening delivered a wintry mix of white frozen crystals that fell from the sky for an extended period of time. The crystals accumulated on surfaces like streets, homes, and even cars, which was a minor inconvenience to many.

Many city officials were forced to send out giant trucks with large shovels nailed to the front of them to “push the snow away from the streets.” It was a feat the area has not had to take in months. Some towns even went as far as pouring sodium chloride on the streets, or what is more commonly referred to as “salt,” to prevent these minor buildups of fluffy white cold powder.

“I was walking outside in this ridiculous swirling, windy array of cold moisture and at one point even stepped into a few inches of this cold mess,” said Ned Reyerson from Queens, NY. “It’s just another sign of the apocalypse to me.”

As of this morning, many homes and business had to break out their own personal shovels to remove the frozen debris from streets and pavements.

“I can remember when I was kid, my dad would shovel this shit,” said Brooklyn resident, Greg Morgan. “Now, I have to call my landlord to get his lazy ass out of bed to shovel my stoop. It’s like these people don’t even give a shit.”

Scientists believe there could be more of these not-so-troubling storms to come in the near future. Though many are skeptical and believe this to be a rare phenomenon, which will undoubtedly be written into the history books.


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