Michael Vick Cancels Breathing Because Of Threats

NFL football star Michael Vick of the Philadelphia Eagles joins the Humane Society in WashingtonThis Tuesday, Michael Vick decided to cancel breathing. The controversial athlete has had trouble escaping his past, where he was convicted of horrendous acts of murder and violence toward dogs. When you add in his poor performance as the Philadelphia Eagles’ quarterback, it just makes sense.

“The threats against Michael’s life have escalated so much, we just think it’s safest for him to stop breathing all together,” Michael’s agent told CNN.  “We’re hoping the threats will calm down and Michael can hopefully resume breathing at such time.”

Vick was unavailable for comment, as he was passed out on his living room floor.

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