Colorado Nets $2 Million in Pot Taxes

pot taxGood news in Colorado today after the state announced it made roughly $2 million in marijuana taxes this January. The bad news: the state is owed nearly $30 million in marijuana taxes, but buyers just can’t seem to remember to pay their taxes.

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Chris Christie Raises $6.2 Million For Food

chris-christie-fatNew Jersey Gov. Chris Christie has raised nearly $6.2 million as he seeks a second term in November. Now, with his food budget aside, the governor is confident he will be able to raise money to fund his actual campaign for reelection.

Women to Break Balls in Combat

womansoldierMilitary women will soon be serving on the front lines of combat during war. Defense secretary, Leon Panetta hopes this unprecedented new tactic will create a whole new offensive strategy of unmercifully breaking the enemy’s balls.

Obama’s Rhetoric Encourages Nation

obama

President Obama was sworn into office for the second time this morning, addressing the nation on Martin Luther King Jr. Day. “I forget exactly what he said,” said an unemployed D.C. witness of the Inauguration. “But the way he said it, with all those inflections in his voice and stuff, I know this is going to be my year.”

NRA to Meet with Obama

KKK_GUN_bwObama administration officials will meet with the National Rifle Association Thursday, “one of the many” gun-rights advocacy groups that will attend a series of events at the White House, according to White House officials. The NRA has confirmed it will attend. “We are sending a representative to hear what they have to say,” said NRA spokesman Andrew Arulanandam. The representative is expected to appear on horseback, cloaked in white with a burning cross.

Spitzer Wants Change

spitzer-grinLiberal commentator Eliot Spitzer has left the TV Current network following news of the sale to Al Jazeera, according to The New York Times. The former governor had been hosting the network’s prime-time show “Viewpoint” for less than a year. Spitzer prefers to move on to a different direction with his life – this time hoping to order cheaper and more discrete hookers.

Fiscal Cuts Hurt Washington

J. Scott Applewhite / AP
J. Scott Applewhite / AP

Congress passed a short term compromise last Tuesday night to avoid the immediate impacts of the so-called fiscal cliff. However, Washington will once again have to square off over other spending cuts in military, non-entitlement discretionary spending, and hookers.

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