Obama’s Rhetoric Encourages Nation

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President Obama was sworn into office for the second time this morning, addressing the nation on Martin Luther King Jr. Day. “I forget exactly what he said,” said an unemployed D.C. witness of the Inauguration. “But the way he said it, with all those inflections in his voice and stuff, I know this is going to be my year.”

NRA to Meet with Obama

KKK_GUN_bwObama administration officials will meet with the National Rifle Association Thursday, “one of the many” gun-rights advocacy groups that will attend a series of events at the White House, according to White House officials. The NRA has confirmed it will attend. “We are sending a representative to hear what they have to say,” said NRA spokesman Andrew Arulanandam. The representative is expected to appear on horseback, cloaked in white with a burning cross.

Spitzer Wants Change

spitzer-grinLiberal commentator Eliot Spitzer has left the TV Current network following news of the sale to Al Jazeera, according to The New York Times. The former governor had been hosting the network’s prime-time show “Viewpoint” for less than a year. Spitzer prefers to move on to a different direction with his life – this time hoping to order cheaper and more discrete hookers.