Rutgers Coach Fired For Being A Coach

mike-riceRutgers basketball coach Mike Rice was fired on Wednesday after a videotape aired showing him shoving, grabbing and throwing balls at players and using slurs during practice. Or to put it simply…BEING A COLLEGE BASKETBALL COACH FROM NEW JERSEY.

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Yanks Close To Deal With Darryl Strawberry

strawberryThe New York Yankees are close to a deal with veteran, Darryl Strawberry. The depleted lineup is hoping the former All Star and coke addict could fill in for some of the injured veterans early in the season.

“He had a few good years with us back in the late 90’s,” said Yankees’ GM Brian Cashman. “And we think his professional and personal background matches the kind of pedigree we want to present in the 2013 season.”

Michael Vick Cancels Breathing Because Of Threats

NFL football star Michael Vick of the Philadelphia Eagles joins the Humane Society in WashingtonThis Tuesday, Michael Vick decided to cancel breathing. The controversial athlete has had trouble escaping his past, where he was convicted of horrendous acts of murder and violence toward dogs. When you add in his poor performance as the Philadelphia Eagles’ quarterback, it just makes sense.

“The threats against Michael’s life have escalated so much, we just think it’s safest for him to stop breathing all together,” Michael’s agent told CNN.  “We’re hoping the threats will calm down and Michael can hopefully resume breathing at such time.”

Vick was unavailable for comment, as he was passed out on his living room floor.

Rodman and Kim Jong Un Buddies

Former outspoken basketball star, Dennis Rodman, attended an exhibition game in North Korea while sitting court side with Kim Jong Un at an arena filled with dark-uniformed fans. The game involved a combination of three stars of the Harlem Globetrotters and members of North Korea’s “Dream Team.” The final score was a 110-110 tie and only three players were executed after the game.

27 Percent of Americans Morons

vick-clasps-his-hands-gesture-silent-prayer-during-player-introdutions-prior-their-nfl-football-game-against-the-new-york-giants-philadelphia_display_imageAccording to a recent poll, 27 percent of Americans believe that God actually plays a role in determining which team wins a sporting event. In a related poll, God believes those 27 percent of Americans are complete morons.

Pizza Hut Giveaway

Screen Shot 2013-01-28 at 12.23.00 PMPizza Hut is going to give something away if a typical football term or phrase is uttered during the Super Bowl. The phrase is expected to be, “Please don’t kill me, Ray Lewis!”

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