Research Proves Not One Actual Fan of Music at Coachella


After surveying the masses at this past weekend’s Week 1 of the annual music festival, Coachella, it has been concluded that there is not one actual fan of music at the entire event. Not one. The results were found upon basic testing, which included naming a few of the bands in the lineup, knowing a verse from any of the songs played, or owning (or even having downloaded illegally) one song of any particular band on the lineup.

Given the nature and popularity of the event notorious for its musical talents, it’s hard to fathom that not one attendee has even the slightest appreciation for music.

“This is the most fun I’ve ever had,” said an attractive 20-something female, sporting a headband of feathers and Ray-Bans. “I’ve been getting like over 100 likes on all my Instagram posts. I bet this is exactly what people felt like at Woodstock.”

As Week 2 of the event begins this weekend, further research is underway as to whether or not anyone at the festival has an actual, real job.



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